The holidays can bring up a mixture of emotions. We can get swept up in the playful sentiments that our children engage in and in other moments we can be overcome with sadness about a person whom we are not able to experience the season with.
Our Relationship Dynamics Affect Our Way of Perceiving and Experiencing Holidays
Relationships are complex. Sometimes we may not know why a relationship that was once seemingly healthy is now distant. Not knowing why a relationship has changed can be painful and cause us to question and ruminate over things that we said or did. Turning inward, we can blame ourselves and even feel guilty. “What did we say or do wrong?” We may feel angry and resentful of the selfishness of the other person’s sudden distance.
Perhaps it was our decision to set a boundary and step back from a relationship. Maybe the relationship was abusive, one-sided, too demanding, or toxic. Sometimes there is a necessity to set a boundary for the sake of protecting our children from disappointment and/or not understanding the lack of genuine interactions. The holidays can make it challenging to maintain the boundaries that were established for our health and well-being or the protection of our family.
Regardless if the reason for a ruptured relationship is known or unknown, it can be distressing to participate in the holiday season without this person. The holidays can uniquely draw attention to the absence of a family member or friend. We can experience profound sadness and anxiety about the uncertainty of the future of the relationship or the decision not to participate in the relationship. And it may not just be our own experience that we are navigating. We may have partners, children, family members who meaningfully seek to understand our pain. Depending on the circumstances, it may or may not be appropriate to reveal those relationship dynamics.
We may be encouraged by others to:
- Just reach out
- Move on
- Forgive and forget
- Be the bigger person
- Be strong
- Value the other person’s experiences over our own
A lot of these things are said with the intention of stopping the conflict. But for the person whom these things are being asked of, they can feel resentful, hurt, angry, and as if their feelings are being invalidated. And if they don’t comply with what others are suggesting, they can be overcome with guilt about prioritizing their own pain and even be blamed for why family is unable to gather in the way that they have in the past.
Gain the Tools You Need to Process, Understand, and Cope with Difficult Relationships
Therapy is a space to safely explore any distress or impairment that relationship dynamics can have on our well-being. Relationships that make us feel small and unseen can negatively impact our self-esteem. Toxic relationships can influence how we talk about ourselves. It’s brave and challenging to take a step toward understanding, toward setting a boundary, or toward communication where there has been conflict. The therapeutic relationship can be a healthy path toward processing, understanding, and coping with difficult relationship dynamics.
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