Alcohol can be a significant part of how someone socializes. We see alcohol frequently at social events such as happy hour, wine tastings, bachelor and bachelorette parties, weddings, party buses, concerts, parties, college, sports games, holidays and more. Alcohol can certainly be celebratory, and for some it is just that.

Alcohol can also be a form of coping with loss, such as losing a loved one, a job, a relationship, money, a home, a sense of purpose or something else. Alcohol can temporarily mask those feelings of grief, sadness, and uncertainty of the future. Drinking can be a way of forgetting something significant happening in your life. We may reach for alcohol as a way to cope with the weight of distress in order to just be in a social setting or be alone with our thoughts. We may even be encouraged to socially drink by friends or family to avoid, forget or move on from uncomfortable feelings. Alcohol can distract, numb, and mask deeper emotions.

Alcohol can also heighten emotional distress. Those who struggle with anxiety may use alcohol to cope with being overwhelmed, overthinking, intrusive thoughts, or fear. Someone who struggles with anxiety may find social settings overwhelming and use alcohol to quiet anxious thoughts.

So when does drinking alcohol become problematic? Typically alcohol becomes an issue that needs to be addressed when it creates an impairment. This can be an impairment at work, in relationships, or in how you take care of yourself. Do you find yourself calling out sick because of a hangover? Is your performance at work impacted by your alcohol consumption? Do friends and family distance themselves because of how you act when you drink? Is your partner worried and fearful about your behavior when you drink?

Sometimes we just can’t say no to another drink. Or maybe we do but we’re not listened to. Often, we don’t know how to say no because we’re so worried about how others will perceive us if we do say no. Our worries might include fears like, “will they stop thinking I’m fun”, or “will they stop hanging out with me”. Another tendency is to minimize what we’re actually doing, “it’s just one more drink” or “I’ll still be able to drive”.

What is your relationship with alcohol? Did you grow up around alcohol? If you did, was it modeled responsibly or was it abused? When did you start drinking? Was it at a milestone birthday or earlier? Did you follow the social norm? Does drinking impact your body? Your goals? Therapy can help you understand your unique relationship with alcohol and it’s impact on your life. A therapist’s role isn’t to be punitive or judgmental. A therapist takes on a supportive role and seeks to understand the behavior that you’re wanting to change and the barriers to making those changes.